Everyone thinks they’re a great kisser, but by the law of averages…some of you suck at sucking face. Sorry, guys. But the problem has an easy fix if you’re willing to learn—and you really should be, because a great kiss is the difference between a hot night and a cold case of blue balls.
Of course, different women like different things, but when we asked them to share their biggest complaints, there were a few recurring moves that drove a lot of them crazy—and not in a good way. In fact, we determined that there are eight major types of lip-locking mistakes you might be making so we got expert tips to fix each of them.
Read on to hear what women had to say about the kisses that make them gag…and prepare to pucker up better next time.
She says:“When we made out, he shoved his tongue in my mouth and had no control—it flopped around like a fish out of water and it was gross.” – Lauren, 29
How to fix it: Rather than letting your tongue bob and droop around uncontrollably once it’s in there, try some light, varied moves that won’t remind her of a slimy creature. Andréa Demirjian, The Kissing Expert and author of Kissing: Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About One of Life’s Sweetest Pleasures, advises, “After introducing the tongue, alternate by pulling back on it, and just focus on the lips, slowly caressing her lower and/or upper lip with your tongue, sucking her lips gently, or just softly kissing her lips. Teasing between tongue and no tongue can be very arousing, and lets the anticipation build.”
She says:“Bad breath is such a turn off, and smoker’s breath is the absolute worst!” – Laura, 30
How to fix it: You don’t want your kissing dinged on a technicality. If you really can’t quit smoking (hey, by the way—quit smoking!), try to at least avoid having a cigarette for a few hours before you plan on smooching, and drink plenty of water to keep your mouth hydrated and flush out any unpleasant lingering odors. It’s important to remember that your mouth is your kissing instrument. That means taking care of it by using lip balm to keep lips smooth, brushing and flossing regularly, and keeping some gum or mints handy at all times—especially if alcohol or cigarettes are involved, says Demirjian.
She says:“I can’t stand it when guys are too scruffy and they grind their 5 o’clock shadow on my delicate face. It freakin’ hurts.” –Erin, 30
How to fix it: Yes, scruff can be rough: “Facial hair can make you look rugged and sexy, like Jason Statham, but it irritates our sensitive skin,” says Amy Levine, sex coach and founder of Ignite Your Pleasure. “Either shave off your manly chin hair, or avoid pressing your face into hers as you make out.” Plenty of ladies love a good beard, so don’t you all go shaving at once. Just try cradling the sides of her face in your hands while you kiss—that way, you can control how much face-to-face contact you’re making. (Bonus: Women swoon for this move. Trust us.)
She says:“Worst kissing style? The little, pointed tongue—especially the quick moving one. Shudder!” – Jennifer, 37
How to fix it: Leave the darting, hissing tongue to the reptiles. Keep it slow and sensual rather than quick and jarring. Levine says if you’re concerned your mouth moves are too rapid, let the lady set the speed. “Become a passionate kisser by following her pace and rolling your tongue in sync with hers. When you master the move, you can take the lead.”
She says:“I hate when guys have their tongues really hard and...erect, for lack of better words. Your tongue is not a penis!” – Elisa, 28
How to fix it: You’ve gotta loosen up, guys. According to Levine, the key is to “use soft lips to seductively kiss and tease.” Try to be mindful of what you’re doing, and if you sense your lips or tongue tensing up, try to subtly draw back for a moment to take a relaxing breath. And don’t laugh…but you can practice on your hand when you’re alone. “Make a fist, hold your index finger and thumb side up, and think of the opening as the woman’s mouth. By feeling it on your own hand, you can tell if your lips and mouth feel stiff or sensuous.”
She says:“Some guys don't swallow! So the kiss gets super wet and there's too much saliva. It's gross. Really, really gross."– Sarah, 25
How to fix it: Chances are, if it reminds her of her slobbering dog, she’s not going to find it sexy. If you’re a bit of a mouth-foamer, there are ways to control it. Says Levine: “If you know your mouth secretes lots of juices, kiss in small spurts so the saliva doesn't build up. You can segue between moves by gently pulling back a bit, stroking the side of her face, looking in her eyes and then going back for more kissing action.”
She says:“The most awful kissers are the men who lick onto the face and leave chafed red circles around my mouth. Sadly, there's more than one guy out there doing that.” – Judy, 31
How to fix it: Speaking of puppy love, yikes! She doesn’t need a tongue bath on her face to know you’re happy to see her. Says Demirjian, “A little licking can be sensual. A full on lick that covers the entire surface of your cheek is not.” Until you sense her comfort level, stick to the standards like an occasional earlobe graze or a trail of kisses down her neck. And when you are licking outside the mouth, Demirjian advises that you use just the tip to mid-section of the tongue, gently and softly—and on a small surface area.
She says:“This one guy had his entire tongue in my mouth and used it to make several laps around my own tongue.” – Julia, 28
How to fix it: Too much tongue was the complaint we heard most often from women. Exactly how much is too much is a personal preference, but a good rule of thumb is this: if she can barely breathe, you’re probably shoving your tongue too far in there. Demirjian recommends starting softly and slowly, and following her lead via body language: “See how the woman is responding—either with the way she uses her tongue or by the sounds she is making—to determine whether she is enjoying your tongue in her mouth,” she says. “If she is, its okay to let the tongue become more intense as the passion rises.”